“Success is a journey, not a destination.”  This was a word I truly needed to hear.   I recently celebrated my 33^rd birthday and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t battling the feeling of being a failure.  I know that jobs and things of this world come and go and that God is the one thing that remains the same, but as the chance of becoming unemployed again looms overhead it is sometimes hard to keep it together.  I feel like, “Lord, didn’t I pass this test the last time?”  I have given up trying to understand everything the Lord permits in my life because I know His ways are above my own and that somehow He will still use this for my good, whatever happens, but it is still hard to fully trust Him even when I know He will neither leave nor forsake me.  “Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn, by God you learn” C.S. Lewis.  This blog feels more like a rambling of sorts rather than collected thoughts, but I feel as though until I get this thought processed and downloaded out of my mind, I can’t move on to other things.

I’ve always liked things to go where they are supposed to go and I’ve liked to be a part of the solution; some may call this controlling, so maybe this is just God saying, “I’ve got this under control; you sit this one out.”  I feel as though I try so hard to find a balance, but in my search all I manage to do is upset it.  When things look impossible, we need faith and sometimes we just need to turn our mind off and give into our heart.  We are not to lean on our own understanding, but bad breaks and disappointments make this so hard to do.  Breakthroughs can happen at any moment so we need to get in agreement with God because our moment of favor and blessing could be right around the corner.  God is still on the throne and He is still in complete control even when the world around us feels like it is falling apart.  God will do for us what we can’t do for ourselves; we just need to do our best and let God do the rest.

God rewards the people who seek after Him, yet we still seek after our own ambitions so much so that it consumes us.  Anything that we have to have in order to be happy is out of balance.  When our goals and dreams begin to frustrate us and when we lose our peace, it is a sure sign that we are holding on too tight.  God not only knows the right plan; He knows the right timing.  When God spoke this word to me, I realized I had to come to a place where I could honestly say, “Even if I don’t… I still will be happy.”  We have to be willing to put our own dreams on the altar and when we show God that He is the most important thing in our life, He will never disappoint us. (I Peter 2:6)  Freedom comes when we release our stuff to the Lord.  God has put a dream in my heart and I love reading Psalm 31:14, 15: “I am trusting you, O Lord.  My future is in your hands.”   When we don’t get what we want we need to ask ourselves, “Do I really want this if God has something better in store?”  Life is too short going through it waiting to be happy; let God do it His way.