Coming Through the Fire Without Smelling Like Smoke

To say this last month has been a challenge would be sugarcoating it. Honestly, it has been one of the most exhausting, stretching, emotional, and faith-testing seasons of my life.

While not being in the NICU is definitely an improvement, the never-ceasing crying and colic that have followed us home have been far beyond anything we would call normal. We went from monitors, nurses, breathing concerns, and hospital routines to sleepless nights, constant crying, and trying to figure out how to comfort a baby who sometimes seems impossible to console.

I am quickly learning that one of the best ways to give God a good laugh is to make a plan and then assume everything will go according to it. Right now, we are totally off the reservation. Any schedule we thought we would have, any rhythm we thought we would settle into, any sense of normalcy we imagined has been completely rewritten.

And yet, even in the chaos, we praise the Lord.

We praise Him for the air He has breathed into Sydney’s lungs. We praise Him for bringing her home. We praise Him for every cry, even the loud ones, because those cries remind us she is alive, strong, and using the breath God gave her. We joke that with lungs like this, she is either going to be an amazing Christian recording artist one day, or God is preparing her voice to reach multitudes through her speech. Either way, we are choosing to believe that even her cry has purpose.

What we have walked through, I would classify as a fiery trial, one that has lasted longer and burned hotter than I ever imagined. This has not been a small inconvenience. It has been a furnace. It has tested our patience, our emotions, our strength, our marriage, our faith, our endurance, and our ability to keep going when everything in us feels worn down.

But even in the middle of the flames, I have sensed that God is at work.

I remain faithful and hopeful that we will emerge from this fiery furnace the way Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did, delivered by God and not even smelling like smoke. That story has taken on new meaning for me in this season. God did not keep them from the furnace, but He met them in it. He did not abandon them in the fire. He walked with them through it.

That is what I believe He is doing with us.

There have been moments when my faith drifted toward doubt. There have been moments when my confidence wavered toward self-pity. There have been moments when exhaustion made everything feel heavier than it really was. But every time I started to sink into discouragement, God would gently bring to mind all the things I still had to praise Him for.

He reminded me that Sydney is home.

He reminded me that she is breathing.

He reminded me that He carried us through the NICU.

He reminded me that He provided when we did not know what we were going to do.

He reminded me that people prayed, encouraged, loved, and stood with us.

He reminded me that He has not brought us this far to leave us now.

There is tremendous power released when we praise God in the middle of our pain. Praise is easy when the baby is sleeping, the house is quiet, and everything feels peaceful. But praise becomes a sacrifice when the crying will not stop, the body is exhausted, the mind is overwhelmed, and the heart is desperate for relief.

That kind of praise matters.

When we praise Him while fear and anguish are bombarding us from every side, something shifts inside of us. Praise does not always change the circumstance immediately, but it changes our posture in the circumstance. Praise lifts our eyes off the fire and back onto the One who is standing with us in the flames.

Psalm 34:1 says, “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.”

Not just when life is easy. Not just when the answer comes quickly. Not just when the house is quiet and the baby is calm. At all times. In every season. In every trial. In every unknown. In every exhausting chapter.

When we can praise Him in the middle of our pain, He comes alongside us to comfort us. And when we can walk no farther, He carries us. That has been my testimony over and over again. There have been days I did not feel strong enough, patient enough, spiritual enough, or rested enough to keep going. But somehow, by the grace of God, we kept going.

In times of despair, when challenges seem to be waiting around every corner and fear tries to paralyze us, we must look to God for courage, guidance, and strength. Fear can make us afraid to move, afraid to decide, afraid to hope, and afraid to believe. It can make us feel like the safest thing to do is shut down emotionally. But God has not called us to be ruled by fear. He has called us to walk by faith.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

That means fear is not our inheritance. Panic is not our portion. Hopelessness is not our identity. God has given us power, love, and a sound mind. When the enemy tries to rob us of peace, courage, strength, and confidence, we do not have to accept it as our new reality. We can stand on the promises of God and take back what fear tried to steal.

Instead of only praying, “Lord, give me courage,” sometimes we need to pray, “Lord, help me walk in the courage You have already provided.”

Instead of only praying, “Lord, give me peace,” sometimes we need to pray, “Lord, help me take hold of the peace You have already promised.”

Instead of only praying, “Lord, give me strength,” sometimes we need to pray, “Lord, teach me to rely on the strength that is made perfect in my weakness.”

Regardless of what we are walking through, Jesus is standing right beside us, waiting for us to reach out to Him. He is not distant. He is not indifferent. He is not unmoved by our tears, our exhaustion, or our desperation. He is near to the brokenhearted. He is faithful to the weary. He is present in the fire.

Whether we emerge from our fiery trials burned, bitter, and smelling like smoke, or refined, strengthened, and full of testimony, often depends on whether we keep our eyes on the fire or on the One walking with us through it.

Change and trials are inevitable. As I enter this new season of my life as a parent and as a pastor, I know I must continually stay on guard against anything meant to derail God’s best for my life. Exhaustion can become a doorway to discouragement. Fear can become a doorway to doubt. Frustration can become a doorway to resentment. If I am not careful, I can allow temporary pressure to distort eternal perspective.

That is why I must never lose sight of the big picture.

God is still writing this story.

In one year, God has fulfilled two of my greatest desires, while also protecting me from death twice. That kind of realization stops me in my tracks. When I look back and see His hand, His mercy, His protection, His provision, and His faithfulness, I cannot help but praise Him.

I want my lips to continually honor Him. I want my actions to edify Him. I want my life, even in the hard places, to bring glory to His name. I do not want to only praise Him after the trial is over. I want to praise Him in the middle of it. I do not want to only tell of His goodness when life feels easy. I want to declare His goodness when the night is long, the baby is crying, and my strength feels gone.

No problem is too hard for Him, and no concern is too insignificant for Him. He cares about the life-threatening moments in the NICU, and He cares about the sleepless nights at home. He cares about oxygen levels, and He cares about exhausted parents. He cares about the miracle, and He cares about the mess.

Psalm 121:7-8 says, “The Lord will keep you from all harm, he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”

That is the promise I am holding onto. He is watching over Sydney. He is watching over our home. He is watching over our marriage. He is watching over our future. He is watching over every coming and going, every sleepless night, every tear, every prayer, and every step ahead.

If you are walking through a trial right now, I want to encourage you to reach out to the Lord. Call on His name. Bring Him your fear, your exhaustion, your frustration, your disappointment, and your pain. He can handle all of it. He will not shame you for being tired. He will not reject you for feeling weak. He will meet you right where you are.

And when He brings you through, be quick to give Him praise.

Praise Him in the fire.

Praise Him in the waiting.

Praise Him in the exhaustion.

Praise Him in the uncertainty.

Praise Him when the answer comes.

Praise Him before the answer comes.

Because all blessings flow from Him, and if He brings you to the furnace, He is faithful enough to meet you in it, walk with you through it, and bring you out in such a way that the smoke will not have the final say.

To Him be the glory now and forever. Amen.