Life-Giving Words of Hope & Encouragement

Last night I heard a lyric that landed like a gentle confrontation: “If I’m honest, I’m not being honest.” The line is from “Honest,” by Kyndal Inskeep, and it captures a struggle many of us rarely admit out loud, even when we love Jesus and genuinely want to live free.

Because it’s possible to tell the truth in a way that still hides.

It’s possible to share “just enough” to sound transparent, while keeping the most tender parts of our story locked behind a smile. It’s possible to say, “I’m doing okay,” and technically mean it, because you’re functioning, showing up, serving, working, and holding it together. Yet deep down, you’re carrying a fear you can’t name, a pressure you can’t shake, or a quiet exhaustion you’ve learned to disguise.

That lyric exposes the difference between honesty and performance.

Performance wants to be admired.
Honesty wants to be healed.

And that’s where the Lord has been working on me lately, right at the intersection of identity and approval, right where a lot of us get tangled without realizing it.

The Most Comfortable Chains Are the Ones That Get Applause

Approval addiction is not always loud. It doesn’t always show up as vanity. Sometimes it shows up as “being nice.” Sometimes it shows up as avoiding conflict. Sometimes it shows up as being the dependable one who never needs anything.

Approval addiction can look like:

• Saying yes when you know you should say no
• Editing your convictions to keep the peace
• Staying quiet about what matters because you don’t want to be misunderstood
• Carrying pressure alone because you don’t want to appear weak
• Choosing what’s popular over what’s right

At its core, approval addiction is fear wearing a friendly face. It’s the internal belief that being liked is the same as being safe.

Scripture calls it what it is, a trap:

Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

A snare doesn’t announce itself. It blends in. You don’t realize you’re caught until you try to move forward and feel the pull.

That’s what approval addiction does. It looks like normal life until God calls you into a new level of obedience, and suddenly you realize how many decisions have been shaped by the question, “What will people think?”

When “Being Honest” Still Isn’t Honest

That lyric, “If I’m honest, I’m not being honest,” is painfully relatable because we have all learned how to be selectively transparent.

We confess what won’t cost us much.

We share what makes us seem humble, but not what makes us feel exposed.

We admit we’re tired, but not that we’re resentful.

We admit we’re stressed, but not that we’re struggling spiritually.

We admit we’re busy, but not that we’re lonely.

We say “pray for me” but avoid naming what we really need prayer for.

There’s a kind of honesty that’s actually camouflage. It sounds real, but it keeps the deeper wound protected. And when we live like that long enough, we start mistaking survival for freedom.

Jesus never invited people into a life of pretending. He invited people into light.

1 John 1:7 says, “If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus… purifies us from all sin.”

Freedom is not found in managing perception. Freedom is found in walking in the light, with God, and with the right people.

The Gospel Ends the Need to Audition

One of the greatest mercies in the Christian life is this, you are not trying to earn a place at God’s table. In Christ, you have been brought in.

The Father said over Jesus at His baptism, before Jesus performed miracles, before the crowds followed, before the cross:

Luke 3:22 says, “You are My Son, whom I love, with You I am well pleased.”

Jesus received approval before He did anything impressive, because His identity was settled.

And in Christ, our identity is not a fragile thing that rises and falls with someone’s opinion. Ephesians 1 says we have been chosen and adopted. Romans 8 says there is no condemnation for those in Christ. That means you are not on trial every day, trying to prove you deserve love.

Approval addiction says, “Perform and you might be accepted.”
Grace says, “You are accepted, now you can finally breathe.”

When God’s voice becomes your anchor, you can stop living like you’re constantly being evaluated.

Signs I’m Slipping Back Into Approval Addiction

I’ve noticed a few warning lights in my own soul. Maybe you’ll recognize them too.

1) I replay everything.
Not to grow, but to punish myself. I rehearse what I should’ve said, how I might’ve sounded, whether I came across wrong. That’s not wisdom, that’s anxiety trying to regain control.

2) I hesitate to obey if it might disappoint someone.
God nudges, but I pause, not because I need clarity, but because I’m afraid of reaction.

3) I confuse peace with being liked.
Sometimes what I call peace is simply the absence of tension, purchased by silence.

If any of those are true for you, hear this clearly, God is not exposing you to shame you. He’s shining light because He wants to heal you.

Breaking the Cycle Without Becoming Cold

Some people hear “stop caring what others think” and imagine becoming harsh or indifferent. That’s not the goal. The goal is not to love people less, it’s to love God more, and to love people from a healthy place.

Here are a few practices that help me walk freer.

Tell the truth to God first.
Real prayer is the doorway to real freedom. God already knows what’s going on, but confession brings you into agreement with reality. There is healing when you stop editing your feelings in God’s presence.

Psalm 62:8 says, “Pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”

Obey in small ways, consistently.
Courage is not a personality trait, it’s a muscle. Strengthen it through small “yes” moments. Have the honest conversation. Set the boundary. Apologize. Ask for help. Take the step God told you to take.

Let love be your motive, not approval.
People pleasing is fear-driven. Love is faith-driven. Love can say yes with joy, and love can say no with peace.

Galatians 1:10 has always been a holy gut-check for me: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?”

Pick an audience, and you’ll feel your soul start to settle.

Remember that being misunderstood is not the same as being wrong.
Jesus was perfect and still misunderstood. You can be kind, humble, and sincere, and someone may still interpret you incorrectly. Your calling is not to control every narrative, your calling is to stay faithful.

Work from God’s approval, not for it.
Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

That verse doesn’t make you careless about people. It makes you anchored. It takes your life out of the courtroom of public opinion and plants it back in the presence of God.

An Invitation to the Kind of Honesty That Heals

That lyric keeps echoing for a reason. “If I’m honest, I’m not being honest.”

Maybe that’s the Spirit’s invitation for you today, not to do more, but to come out of hiding.

To stop pretending you’re okay when you’re not.

To stop carrying pressure alone.

To stop measuring your worth by the mood of the room.

God already knows you, fully, and He does not flinch. The One who sees the real you is the One who loves the real you. And the more you bring into the light, the more freedom you will find.

You do not have to live as an audition.

You can live as a son.
You can live as a daughter.
You can live securely.

Credit and YouTube link

Here’s the YouTube video for “Honest,” by Kyndal Inskeep:

Prayer:

Father, I confess the ways I’ve chased approval, even subtly. I repent for the times I’ve edited my obedience to stay accepted, for the times I’ve hidden behind a polished version of myself, and for the moments I’ve been “honest” without really being honest. Heal the fear underneath my need to be liked. Teach me to live from Your love, not from applause. Give me courage to walk in the light, to tell the truth, to set healthy boundaries, and to obey You even when it costs me comfort. Let Your voice be louder than every opinion, and let Your pleasure be my peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.